Marriage and Insecurities

: A Matter of building Confidence

Love is the primary reason why a man and a woman decide to get married. Before their marriage, life seems like a dream because of love. And after marriage, it is love that will give them the strength to hold on to each other so that those dreams will become a reality.

However, some couples tend to lose the love that they once shared just because of some deceitful qualities that they have acquired, one of which is insecurity.

Insecurity is one of the most devastating tools that will destroy a happy marriage. Once a person feels he or she is not “good enough” to handle the responsibilities in marriage, the assurance that marriage will last will only fail.

Most people suffer from insecurity at some time, but it is never healthy in any relationship, especially in marriage.

There may be many reasons why a person has insecurities. However, it should be resolved even before they decide to marry. This is because people with very low self-esteem can never make their marriages work out.

In fact, recent studies show that because of insecurity and the fear of not being able to cope with the responsibilities of a married life, the numbers of couples who do not get married are increasing at a constant rate. They reason that it would be easier to leave when they think that they aren't capable of making the relationship work than if they were married and had to get a divorce.

The many kinds of anxiety that affect people in marriage can feed such insecurity. The only antidote is for the spouse to build confidence by giving recognition to their partner.

Some people are excellent at burying their insecurities, but this should not be the case in marriage. Everybody needs some appraisal and appreciation for everything that they do in the relationship. They need to hear that they are loved without any conditions.

Lack of confidence holds some people back from seeking out the ways to make their marriage work. It is important for every spouse to make their partners believe in their own abilities by praising them more often and by giving them the love and affection that they deserve.

Once insecurities are eased, marriage will definitely last. Keep in mind that insecurity may not be absolutely eliminated but by praise, reassurance, and open communication, the marriage will be successful.

Sharing Your Dreams

Sharing Your Dreams and Goals As Married Couples Makes A Lot Of Difference

Marriage is always in progression. The two individuals in the marital relationship journey in stages and grow continuously.

This marital growth entails a lot of commitment, trust, effort and reciprocity. Healthy and well built marriages are not by chance, but are worked upon.

The basic element of “being one” in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples are open with each other’s interests, dreams and goals.

A married couple often will find it difficult to deal with certain problems when there is no common goal that is established. Goals enable the couple to realize that both are not competing, instead, working together and needing one another’s help.

Married couples should cooperate and work for these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion.
Should both you and your spouse’s goals appear to be much different, as they sometimes do, never give up. Talk and recognize both your needs that each goal can satisfy. You can discover during the process that you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that was different. And this can be dealt with as you talk.

The significant thing here is to share similar priorities as well as personal values in life together with your spouse, that when you take the time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you'll be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals.

Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.

The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:

1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.

2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his accomplishments.

3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..

4. Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.

When you both have warm appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to manage. After all, you're partners in life.

Quality Time for Each Other

When the couple is planning to have children or already have some, both must not forget to spend quality time with each other alone. If both are working, being together shouldn't just happen when the couple comes home from work. It means that they should think of other ways to spice up the marriage.

Here are some good ideas to carry this out:

1. Even when both people are married, some things don't have to change. The individuals can still go out on dates, such as watching a movie and having dinner in a restaurant like two people who just started dating.

2. There are many classes and sports to choose from and trying something new with your partner can be a learning and memorable experience.

3. The couple can also plan weeks or perhaps months in advance to go out of town or even out of the country and spend the time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

4. Some people believe that a match made in heaven means that both will like everything that the other person does. This is not always the case which makes some say that opposites attract. Instead of being annoyed by something that the other enjoys, the individual should keep an open mind about it and participate in the activity or sit there with the other person while they enjoy that activity.

5. Sex is something awkward to talk about but marriage counselors insist that a good marriage should also have this in the equation. Both genders long for sex at different ages and researchers have determined that men want sex often in their 20’s and 30’s while women want more sex in their 30’s and 40’s. To make it work, the couple must agree when is the right time to enjoy doing it. Spontaneous sex is often the most enjoyable.

Sex therapists have published various books on sex such as the different positions and role playing games that couple can play with each other. Research and exploration may be a great way of to assure a good time with your spouse.

Time is a luxury that people don't have. There are things that are beyond the control of people that are unforeseen which happen in the blink of an eye. The best thing to do is spend quality time no matter how short or long making the spouse feel loved and special at all times.