Loyalty

Loyalty: The Much-Needed Tool to a Lasting Marriage

Contrary to most popular belief, marriage is never a happily-ever-after kind of relationship. The relationship of a married couple is not always dazzling like the stars in the sky. The married couple has its own difficulties, misunderstandings and annoyances, money problems, etc.

Love in marriage is more than just romance. This is what some married couples realize from the onset of their relationship. Some couples said that they find it easier to fall in love than to maintain the heat of passion after getting married.

Romance can never satisfy all of the needs of a married life. In fact, love is not even enough. The marriage vow that the couple bestowed on each other is a lifetime pledge of one’s self that is more than the conditions of mere infatuation and passion.

This is the main problem and why many married couples end up getting a divorce. Some reports show that for the past 20 years, the percentage of people who marry more than three times in their lifetime has already increased to 8% from the 40% of the total population in the US alone.

Each year, the rate keeps increasing. In fact, almost half of those who get married each year end up in divorce.

So what is the most important thing in marriage that people must learn in order to maintain the kind of commitment and love that the couple vowed to fulfill for the rest of their lives?
Actually, there are many ways to have a lasting marriage. However, there is only one virtue that people must learn — LOYALTY.

In marriage, loyalty to your partner is extremely important. Whenever there are instances where the wife or the husband has a secret that they do not want their spouse to know about it, that problem will start to tear down their relationship.

The loyalty of married couple to each other will cause them to protect each other and not to betray. For the husband, his indispensable priority should be the happiness, fulfillment, and pleasure of his wife. This should be his main concern rather than the concerns of other people.

For the wife, the health, goodness, and the needs of her husband should be her priority more than her obligations to her parents, friends or even to her work.

The point here is that loyalty in marriage should be the top priority. In order to have a lasting marriage, couples should both work their way towards their goal. This can only be achieved if they'll maintain the loyalty and the love that they've for each other.

Say Sorry For Your Marriage

Knowing when to say you are sorry

Katrina and Jason are seated on the same side of the sofa but their body language revealed what a marriage counselor can easily detect among married couples who have chosen to live the MAR in marriage.

The couple is seeing a marriage counselor for the fist time since they were married. They've been having trouble lately over trivial matters that seem to spark their hostility towards each other.

She said when Jason has a bad day at the office his bad mood continues after work. He arrives home poker-faced, and oblivious to Katrina's words of welcome. Such behavior has been going on for quite sometime now, she said, but there seems to be no effort on his part to apologize for taking his office problems home and taking them out on his wife.

Many married couples today find it hard to maintain a workable marriage, much less a happy one. It may be the pressure of making the family finances better, or the mundane task of maintaining the household. Whatever it is, it is clear that married couples do not treat each other the way they did before they got married.

During the dating stage, the sweetest moment for a couple is the reconciliation stage after a disagreement because each makes every effort to act beyond what is expected of him. This is what we call the "sweetheart" stage, when the couple is getting to know each other without any pressure attached on their relationship.

A couple making up for a wrong committed against the other will make use of every trick in the book to be forgiven. Saying “I’m sorry” is romantically done by sending short notes, simple gifts or flowers.

A newly-wed couple will still retain the "sweetheart" stage early on in the marriage. This means saying sorry for doing something wrong is still an effortless action.

After a while or after being married for quite sometime, the couple will become so familiar with each other that they treat the other not as a lover but the way they would treat other family members.. During this time, pride gets in the way and the words "I’m sorry" has taken a back seat.

Saying that you're sorry is important in maintaining a good marriage. By saying “sorry”, the damage done by too much familiarity and heartlessness against the other spouse heals a little. Staying married for years without uttering these words would mean the piling up of heartaches and even hatred in a couple's hearts. This is not healthy in a relationship because it alienates the other.

Couples who have the tendency to fight, even over trivial things, should relearn the art of saying “I’m sorry”. It is an art because it is a gift from within - but it has to be learned. Married couples who want to keep their marriage should relearn the art which was used when they were still dating.

Saying sorry to your partner does not just tell him or her you're sorry for the things you've done. The important thing is that you are saying sorry because you have hurt your partner's feeling or that you did not mean to do so. Hearing sorry may not turn back the clock but it will somehow ease the pain.

But saying “I’m sorry” without really meaning it can just worsen the fight. If the other spouse is not “dense”, then the insincerity of the apology will be noticed. Of course, it's easier to say sorry to your officemates or friends, but saying sorry to one's spouse will make a difference in the relationship.

The danger is you may have gotten so used to saying you are sorry that it operates like a mantra when the other spouse accuses you of hurting his or her feelings. It will be like saying sorry without really meaning it. Saying that you're sorry should always be followed by a positive action from the erring spouse.

While saying sorry is not the be-all and end-all of a marriage problem, it's a good start and will show the other couple that there is hope for the marriage and that you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep that marriage alive.

Green-Eyed on Marriage

Marriage and Jealousy: When Love is Never Selfish or Full of Insecurity

In life, there can be no greater destructive force in any relationship, especially in marriage than jealousy. It's a powerful yet negative emotion that is rooted on insecurity. Once a person is unsure of himself or herself, jealousy can easily seep in.

The dangerous thing here is when jealousy that is not founded on truth can definitely ruin marriage.

The negative force that binds a jealous person is relatively difficult to deal with. In most cases, these “green-eyed” persons tend to shun away from the truth.

In reality, to be "green-eyed" is normal. However, the point wherein the spouse will no longer listen to the truth and will only hold on to what he or she believes in even if those facts weren't true isn't acceptable. And if the spouse can no longer control his or her jealousy, the future of their marriage will be ruined.

With jealousy, it is not surprising why the ratio of marriages to divorce nowadays is 2 to 1. It's no longer shocking why two million couples are getting a divorce every year.

The Solution

Love in marriage should never be selfish and insecure. Married couples should never strive for their individual satisfaction. They should always make each other feel the love that binds them together.

There are examples that a person cannot simply dismiss his or her jealousy. It's extremely important that they learn to keep the communications line open and tell their partners about the problem. It is not enough that jealous people try to stop assuming negative ideas. It's best that they tell their partners about them so that they can both work out some solutions to the problem.

The problem with most married couples is that they are afraid to tell their partners the reason they are jealous, hence, miscommunication happens. Researches show that married couples who don't have at least 80% open communication can expect the worst from their marriage.

The bottom line is that jealousy should be resolved through proper communication. Let the other person know what you're jealous about. Make him or her understand how you feel about the past so that you can both create a good solution for the present.

Best of all, try to make each other feel special and loved. Keep in mind that jealousy is essentially rooted in insecurity. If a person who feels 100% assured that he or she's greatly loved by his or her partner, then, there's no way for jealousy, and their marriage will definitely grow old with them.