Relationships - 9 Never-Changing Rules

by: Peter Dobler

In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.

The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.

>From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships

1. Relationships Don't Just Happen

Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.

2. Relationships are Need-based.

Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.

3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge

Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.

4. Relationships That Endure Take Time

Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.

5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.

No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.

6. Relationships Build You Up.

"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.

7. Relationships Are Essential.

It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.

8. Relationships Are For Two.

There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.

9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.

In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.

Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.


Copyright 2005 Peter Dobler

About The Author :
Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to create and maintain a better relationship with this new book. http://www.powerofcharismabook.com.

Tips for Marriage Counseling

by: Spaventa Impego

A positive trend becoming noticeable in marriage counseling and therapy is that more couples are going in for counseling before seeking a divorce. However, there are more useless and incompetent marriage counselors and marriage therapists than ever. So it's best to check out and look for the best marriage counselor or therapist before you go into marriage counseling or marriage therapy.

One mistake people make when entering marriage counseling is in going to a general psychological therapist whose practice isn't predominately marriage counseling. What happens many times is that a person enters individual counseling and then brings their mate in for marriage counseling or therapy. Therapists who focus primarily on individual therapy don't, as a rule, make good marriage counselors or marriage therapists. That's because individual therapy is vastly different from marriage therapy, and so it's a good idea to select a therapist or counselor whose primary focus is in on marriage counseling.

Also, you should never bring a partner into marriage counseling with a therapist who has been helping you because this gives a lopsided view of the situation to the therapist who has already formed an opinion. It's always best to seek a marriage counselor who is unknown to both of you so that he is more open to hearing and evaluating both sides of the marriage story without any biases.

Always have a phone interview with a marriage counselor or marriage therapist before making an appointment. Alternatively, use the first appointment to ask questions. You need to do this if your marriage is important to you and you want to try and save it. You need the best marriage counselor or therapist to help you. If he thinks asking questions is his monopoly then it's wise to look elsewhere.

Some things you want to ask questions about are the marriage counselor's credentials and background. Ask about his or her attitude toward helping salvage relationships as opposed to helping dissolve them. A marriage therapist or counselor who comes down too strictly on either side of the question is probably not a good choice. You want someone neutral, if possible, and you definitely don't want a marriage therapist who tells you he or she doesn't believe in divorce. Hopefully, that won't happen to your marriage, but if it does, you want a marriage counselor who will help both of you through making the decision and any transition that's necessary.

At any point during the meeting with marriage counselor you sense biasness or unfairness, simply change the therapist. Marriage counselor's main aim is to give equal support and attention to both the partners. He or she should be objective enough to highlight your problems and issues without making you feel "right" or "wrong". Quite often you tend to feel that therapist is pointing at you again and again which can't be comfortable always. If you judge that it's you who is left alone and not heard frequently then it is sensible to look out for another marriage counselor. It is not good to be pointed out as a bad guy or girl always. The worse thing that can happen to your bad marriage is a bad marriage therapist.



About The Author :
Spaventa Impego is the administrator of ABC Marriage, your source for your marriage questions. For answers to your questions come down to: http://www.abcmarriage.com

Top 4 Reasons Why You Must Have a Photo in Your Personal Ad

by Elena Solomon

Any online dating site will tell you that uploading your photo can increase your chances tenfold.

Why should you have a photo in your personal ad online?

Here are top 4 reasons:

1. You get more responses to your ad
2. People are more likely to answer your messages
3. You appear more credible
4. You can influence people’s opinion about you

Now let’s consider those four points in more detail.

1. YOU GET MORE RESPONSES TO YOUR AD

Most members only view ads of members who have photos in their profiles. If your profile does not have one, you are not even in the search results.

Some online dating sites also send newsletters to members with ads of new members who joined recently. If your ad does not have a photo, you may not make it.

2. PEOPLE ARE MORE LIKELY TO ANSWER YOUR MESSAGES

Good-looking people (who obviously have photos in their personal profiles) receive lots of mail. If you are writing to someone attractive and don’t have a photo in your profile, your message is likely to be ignored.

3. YOU APPEAR MORE CREDIBLE

When you do not have a photo in your personal ad on the dating site, it looks like you are either hiding something or you are too lazy to have one taken. Either way, it’s not good for your success on the dating site. If you are concerned about privacy, you can take a photo in sunglasses or from a distance, this will be better than having no photo at all.

4. YOU CAN INFLUENCE PEOPLE’S OPINION ABOUT YOU

This is the biggest advantage of all. When people view personal ads online, photos are the most interesting part, both for men and women. Men mostly look for beauty, women for personality shining through.

People try to figure out your personality by looking at your photos. If you appear happy, easygoing, open and warm, they will be naturally drawn to you. If you appear stiff, reserved, timid and insecure, they will feel repulsed. Look at your photos from this point of view, and if your photos don’t flatter you, get new pictures.

You can use a webcam or take a photo of yourself with your mobile phone camera – this will only take you a couple of minutes. This is what most people do.

But if you want BETTER than average results, then consider going an extra mile - this always pays off.

Spend a day to get the right photos, and you may set up your love affair for life! Don’t you think it’s worth it?

Get a friend with a digital camera to take a few hundreds of photos of you in different settings. Make sure you are dressed neat and stylish, and use open body language (no crossed legs or arms, no barriers between you and the viewer, relaxed, comfortable pose, and a lovely smile).

Choose a dozen or so photos where YOU like yourself the most, and then show them to your friends of the OPPOSITE gender. Usually there will be one or two favorites: use them in your Internet personals ads.

Having the right photo in your online dating campaign is crucial. It can make a difference between choosing from dozens of people competing for your attention and not having a date for the Saturday night.

Update your photo in your Internet personals ad and check the difference – it can be staggering!



ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of http://www.soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.

Featuring all of the beautiful men and women searching for LOVE

by Victoria Leal


In my attempts to find the love of my life, I knew that they were not going to be found in the town where I lived, so I took to the Internet. My first experience was the result of a television commercial. They looked so darn happy, you couldn’t help but wonder if this could also work for you, so I tried it. Put it this way, finding my “Mr. Right” may have ended up costing me a small fortune!

Then one day I was working on my computer and along came an annoying pop-up. Normally, I delete them as fast as they pop-up, but this one caught my eye. It was for another dating site. Once inside the site, I was amazed at all of the handsome black men and a few white ones too, who were looking for the perfect black woman.

Because of how I am, my desire for monogamy, this is who I was looking for, someone who had the same desire as me. What I quickly found out, on my first night on the site is that most men don’t even bother to read your profile they just look at your picture and click! Thanks for the compliment, I think? However, when a man takes the time to read your profile, he is going a little deeper than just the physical attraction and actually learns a little about you before sending you a message.

At that time my profile was a little friendlier, more inviting. What I found was that I spent more time eliminating those who did not fit the bill until I thought I had found the one. However I have a hard time giving all of my attention and affection to someone who is not returning the favor.
And because of who I am, it is not in my nature to be intimate with more than one person at a time. To me, intimacy definitely includes more than just sex. It involves allowing a person to really get to know who you are, what your likes and dislikes are, what your loves and fears are, trusting to the point of vulnerability. So because I was not getting what I needed in return for what I was giving, I said audios!

I decided to give this site another go. This time I spelled out exactly what I expected in my profile. It was probably more intimidating to some. I think that they could tell that I was very serious about what I am saying and if they are all about the game, they don’t even bother to click. That’s good! As I say, that way I don’t have to bother cutting away the fat to get to the meat. Or as one gentleman said, “the apples at the top of the tree are more appealing but the ones on the ground are easier to get.” I am still the same person, but this time I am realizing that it’s really all about the game. The object of the game is to talk with whomever you want, as many as you want, as much as you want, as intimately as you want, all at the same time, and finally, if you choose to do so, you can select the one who has won you over from all of your many admirers. However, don’t forget that while you are being pursued by him, he is being pursued by others and he is also pursuing others at the same time he is pursuing you. It’s like one big orgy!

For this very reason, I don’t think that online dating is right for me. But let’s turn that around. Online dating is what you make it. You can play by your own rules. As for me, I really don’t care what the others do; I will stick to my molasses method of one person at a time. The problem is finding that one who would be willing to give up the buffet to see what the steak taste like. I’m sure that it will take me longer this way to find the one who is right for me, but after all when I do, it will have been well worth the time—for both of us!



About the Author :

This article is copyright © 2005 by Victoria Leal.
Victoria Leal is the Owner of MarriageSecretsRevealed.com
To find helpful information on how to have a happy marriage or what to expect before you get married, please visit: http://www.marriagesecretsrevealed.com

Online Dating: 10 Critical Mistakes ALL People Make Including You!

by Elena Solomon

Online dating is fascinating.

You can meet thousands of available singles that are literally just a click away, seeking love, romance, dating, marriage, friendship – and yes, of course sex. Men and women alike join dating services hoping to make new friends and start new relationships.

But there are some common mistakes ALL people make when using Internet personals – including YOU!

Here are ten common mistakes all people make when dating online. Check out if you are guilty of some of them.

MISTAKE #1 - “Giving it a try”
Most people start using online personals with the attitude “Let me give it a try and see where it goes”. They don’t really think they WILL meet someone – they only HOPE to meet someone. What is the difference? When you “hope” to succeed, you don’t try hard enough – if it works, great, if it does not work, fine, at least I’ve tried. When you think you “will” meet someone, and it does not work, you change something in your approach to online dating to get the results you want.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t “give it a try” – do your best.

MISTAKE #2 - Hoping “the right person will find you”
Most people don’t pay when post their profiles on online dating sites, which usually means they can receive letters but cannot answer ads of other members. They hope people will be writing to them. If you are an 18-year-old model-type girl, this may work for you. But if you are not, then you shouldn’t hope your dream partner would email you out of blue. You will get much better results if pay for premium membership to the dating site and write to people yourself.
BOTTOM LINE: Contact other people; don’t wait for them to contact you.

MISTAKE #3 - Sending one-liners
It’s amazing how many people using online personals send letters of the type “Hi, liked your profile, please see my profile”. If your photo does not impress the other person in an instant, most likely they will just delete your email. Some *might* actually read your profile – and if there is nothing in your profile that impresses them in an instant, then they will also just delete your email.
BOTTOM LINE: Write letters that have some substance in them.

MISTAKE #4 - Sending form letters
I always know when I receive a form letter - always! I am sure you know it too. If there are no personal references in the letter, I know this letter was not written specially for me. No one wants to be one of the crowd. Every person wants to be special!
BOTTOM LINE: Write individual letters for each person you contact.

MISTAKE #5 - Writing boring letters
Many people are guilty of this one. They write about things they want to say and not what the other person wants to hear.
The result: letters that are plain BORING.
Remember: it’s not about YOU – it’s about THEM! Tell them what you liked about their profile so much that you decided to write to them. Some things may be uncertain in their profiles – ask questions and guess the answers. For example, she ticked “Tell you later” in her profile about kids – if she did not have any kids, she would say so. Ask if she has kids and tell her you think she does and that you just love kiddies. A person who actually THINKS and what more – thinks ABOUT HER, it’s indeed something special, and your letter is sure to get noticed. Don’t talk much about yourself in your letter (she can always read your profile) - tell her why you think you will be the right guy for HER. If you do not fit her requirements 100%, tell her why it won’t be a problem. You pride yourself as having great sense of humor? Back up your claim – make her laugh! From the first line, your letter should grab her attention and she should not be able to stop reading till the end. THEN she will be certainly compelled to check your profile on the Internet personals website.
BOTTOM LINE: Write interesting letters – the type of letters you would like to receive.

MISTAKE #6 - Contacting dozens of members at once
Once people pay for their premium membership to the online dating site, they tend to contact dozens of members at once. The reason for that is that they don’t hope to receive much response. STOP for a minute: what are you actually looking for? Most of us are interested to start a relationship with someone special. In fact, all you need is only one person – but the one who is RIGHT for you. Do you really want to correspond with 50 people at a time? Spend more time reading profiles on the site, and then select a precious few that you like the most and write to them. Make sure you get responses from your favorites before contacting other people.
BOTTOM LINE: Don’t contact dozens of people at once – concentrate on the ones you like the most.

MISTAKE #7 - Not following up
Let’s face it: we live in a fast-paced world. We tell people “Let’s get together soon” and forget it in an instant. We send an email, never get a response and lose the contact forever. This is extremely important when using Internet personals: if you do not get a response, follow up. Send another email. Tell them you are waiting for an answer and you want to hear from them even if they are NOT interested. Having somebody who is really interested in you is not very common nowadays. This very fact may convince people to answer you. Check if they are premium members. If they are not, they might have to pay the membership fee before they are allowed to answer your email, and this is the reason why they did not respond. Check the rules of the website before assuming they are not interested.
BOTTOM LINE: Follow up. Make sure there are no technical problems averting your contact.

MISTAKE #8 - Not having a photo in your profile
If you don’t have a picture in your profile, you are missing out on people’s attention great deal. Many great singles, men and women alike, NEVER answer mails from members without photos – leave alone writing to them. If you are concerned about privacy, take a photo where you are in the distance and hardly recognizable, or put on sunglasses. Smiling broadly also changes your face.
BOTTOM LINE: Put a photo in your profile. This is proven to increase your chances up to 10 times.

MISTAKE #9 - Bad body language on the photos
When people look at your photos, they try to figure out what kind of person you are. If you cross your arms of legs, or in any other way “cover” your body on the photos, placing a barrier between you and the viewer, you make them think you are timid, insecure and lack confidence. Use open body language - open palms, arms on the sides of your body – never “covering” it, smile and “look” the viewers in the eyes.
BOTTOM LINE: Check your body language – people make their opinion about your personality by looking at your photos.


MISTAKE #10 - Giving up
You’ve tried this and that and nothing worked, so you give up: “Internet dating just doesn’t work for me”. That’s the biggest mistake of all. What you should do is to use your negative experience and learn WHY it did not work. Look at profiles of other people that attracted you and compare it with your own profile. Try to change your wording. Get a new photo with a happy smile. Try to contact somebody you feel nothing about and see how it goes. Maybe you are just trying too hard? Treat your search for a partner as you would treat the search for a new job: if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Make it your habit to check new listings every day and write to one person. See what works and use it again. Borrow ideas from other people. Just don’t give up!
BOTTOM LINE: Online dating works. All you need to do is to gain experience. Practice makes perfect. Your special person is waiting for you!


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.
Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at http://www.soulmades.com.au/freebook (normally sells for $49.95). Get it today – the offer is limited!

How To Ruin Your Online Dating Success

by Elena Solomon

These days you seldom meet a single person who never tried online dating – unless they aren’t Internet users.

Since you are reading this, I assume you ARE online – so this information can be crucial for your online dating success.

Most people placing personal ads on Internet dating sites seem to do everything to RUIN any of their chances for success. Are you one of them?

Here is how to ruin your online dating campaign:

1. CHOOSE A SLEAZY USER NAME

Dating sites usually display your user name in your personal profile. So, if you choose something like “hurdfuk” or “badgirl_69”, you are sure to mess up your chances dramatically.

2. WRITE A TIMID MESSAGE

Every day I see people writing in their messages things like, “I hate this part but here it goes”, “I never know what to write here” or simply “Ask me”. Your personal message is the only thing in your profile that is UN-structured – the rest are usually just tick boxes. Make sure you don’t say anything interesting here, so no one will feel compelled to learn more about you.

3. DON’T HAVE ANY PARTNER REQUREMENTS

Your requirements for a partner say VOLUMES about YOU. If you do not have any requirements for a partner, you will sound absolutely desperate. No one is attracted to desperate people.

4. DON’T UPLOAD A PHOTO

Most users of dating sites search for profiles with photos. If you do not upload your photo, no one will find your ad. It will also severely damage the chances of your “Hi’s”, “Virtual Kisses” or “Smiles” being answered.

5. DON’T PAY FOR PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP

Usually online dating sites will allow you to place your personal ad for free, but to write to other singles, you have to buy a subscription. Although the price of subscription is cheaper than the price of a movie ticket and popcorn, you should not be tempted. By sticking with the free membership, you ensure you cannot contact anyone. Also some sites place ads of premium members on top of the search results. If you do not pay, your ad will appear on the page 247 of the search results – which will make it nearly impossible to find.

6. DON’T CONTACT OTHER MEMBERS

Most online dating services will allow you to contact other members for free by sending a “Hi”, “Virtual Kiss”, “Icebreaker” or “Smile” – an expression of interest, to which the other member can respond. Don’t send any of those to anyone, or they may just answer positively. Think only about how bad would you feel if they rejected your advances.

7. DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING IN YOUR AD

Don’t attempt to change anything in your ad. If you change something, it may just start working. Keep with what doesn’t produce any results.

8. DON’T LOGIN TO THE WEBSITE – EVER

Once you placed your personal ad, immediately forget about it – and forget your user name and password, too. Don’t login to the website again. If you do, your ad may jump to the top of the search results and someone may write to you. Don’t take this risk. Just place the ad and forget about it.

If you follow this simple guidance, I can guarantee that you will flawlessly ruin any chances for success with online dating sites and your love life will stay just the way it is!



ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Elena Solomon works in online dating since the early days of WWW. She is the exclusive dating consultant of Soulmades.com.au – Internet personals for singles seeking love, romance, relationships and fun.
Elena is the author of "12 Simple Rules for Success in Love, Life and Online Dating". For a limited time, you can get this popular e-book absolutely FREE at http://www.soulmades.com.au/freebook (normally sells for $49.95). Get it today – the offer is limited!

15 Hot Ideas for Phenomenal Physical Intimacy!

by Larry James

1. Become a couple with unwavering commitment to doing whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work. Remember, problems always show up in the bedroom. If you want great sex, never deny your partner the attention necessary to let them know they are loved, appreciated and respected. Relationships are something that must be worked on ALL THE TIME, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.

2. Have a passion for life's sexual journey and for the processes required to go from boring to bliss in the bedroom. Be creative with your passion. Direct it toward your partner. Nurture it. Enjoy and revel in it.

3. Become dedicated to mutual pleasure for both you and your love partner. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you!

4. Learn to be intentionally spontaneous and open for the opportunity to make love when it presents itself; during a lunch break, in the back seat of your car or by arousing your partner from a deep sleep in the middle of the night.

5. Perfect the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires and needs. Be responsible for your own sexual pleasure by asking for what you need or taking care of yourself.

6. Be willing to be a student of great sex; read about it, study it, practice it.

7. Be mature enough to exercise the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate. Never allow the cares of the day to distract you. Focus on giving pleasure to each other.

8. Be daring. . . experiment. Do things differently, try new positions, new places, love toys and more, in agreement with both partners, of course. Variety is the spice of a healthy sexual relationship. Be creative! To always make love the same old way is, in a word, BORING!!

9. Pay attention to personal hygiene. The first rule of making love is to present a body that is tastefully clean!

10. Cultivate the generosity to consider your love partner's pleasure before your own, or the esprit de corps to decide whether you or your partner goes first or whether you reach orgasm together.

11. Have the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex. A "quickie" now and then is okay, however to only and always depend upon quickies for your sexual gratification is a form of "taking your partner for granted" and can only lead to resentment. Make time for the time that is needed to "make love."

12. Synthesize the gusto to be energetic when making love and aware of the sensitivity it takes to passionately lay motionless together after engaging in sex. Enjoy foreplay, engagement and afterglow.

13. Be courageous enough to not always take yourselves so seriously; to laugh, to play and be playful and to experience whatever is sexually exciting and enjoyable.

14. Learn to negotiate win/win agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner's needs in the sexual arena.

15. Ask for the variety of pleasure you want and deserve. However, to force or coerce your partner to do something they do not want to do breeds discontent and is highly disrespectful. In this scenario, always take "No!" for the answer. Never be afraid to ask for what you want and always demonstrate the respect to honor your lover's right to say no without consequence.

Practice including the keywords that are in bold in your sexual vocabulary with your partner and watch what happens!



About the author:
Copyright © MM - Larry James. Reprinted with permission. This article is adapted from Larry's books, "LoveNotes for Lovers: Words That Make Music for Two Hearts Dancing," "How to Really Love the One You're With: Affirmative Guidelines for a Healthy Love Relationship" and "Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers." (Career Assurance Press). Author Larry James is also a professional speaker. He provides relationship coaching by telephone nationwide. Contact: 800-725-9223. CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695.
Website: http://www.celebratelove.com