What is Successful Dating ?

by Ian McNeice


What is a successful date? Does it mean it leads on to relationship and romance? Well you that would be cool. But it doesn't have to mean that. A successful date can be one where you got on very well, had a great time and things ended on excellent terms. Not every date we go on will end this way, but they should if we plan our dating a little more carefully.

My main concern is that we often just accept dates from the next person who shows and interest and we hope that we get on okay. The problem here is that we are being passive in our dating game. We are receivers without a game plan. Our dating is bound to be far more successful if we are the ones going out and choosing who we would like to date from a selection of those who are compatible.

To do this successfully you first have to have an idea of who you are most likely to get on with and be truthful when you do it. If you insist on dating everyone, 50% of the people you meet won't be compatible straight away. In which case you will have half of all your dates as a complete waste of time. Stop doing that and start analyzing what kind of people you get on with. Okay I could say the following@

I like people who are aged 29 to 36, single and never previously married, no children but would like a child sometime. Should be Christian to an extent, well educated, reasonably tall and have long blonde hair. They should be receptive to the idea of marriage like winter sports and live within 100 miles of my home.

Okay if I do this then I can be accused of many things here but this is just an example. The effect though is to set some criteria by which I can date and from which I am likely to see some successful dating. If I don't make a dating profile then its open to all comers. That's okay. Maybe you simply don't care and want to meet anyone you can., In which case spread your net widely. The problem is though that you are not going to please everyone and once again 50% of your dates will be a complete waste of time.

Recognize that none of us are compatible with everyone. Reclines your minimum dating requirements and then ensure you match the requirements you set. There is absolutely no point in setting the following if you don't match yourself.

I am looking to meet a guy who is 6 feet 2" or taller, must be athletic and a professional sportsman with an income of over $200k a year. They must be extremely attractive, own their own house and sports car and be able to surf.

If you are five feet 1", out of shape and maybe overweight with no career and a low income and cannot swim then what you have done is just describe your ideal fantasy figure not your probable dating criteria. I am not for one second saying you won't be attractive to the character you have described but to date successfully you must establish ground where you are most likely to be compatible and will easily match.

The next thing to consider when looking at successful dating are your expectations. If you are expecting instant love at first sight followed by a perfect romance and children then that's great. The issue here is that it may not happen that way. I wish it would but it doesn't. So being realistic and expecting little is often the best way to date. If you do then one of these days you are in for a nice surprise. Greet every date with optimism but don't go over the top. If you make a new friend then you have done well. Don't expect Cupid at every turn. It will happen but maybe not just yet.

Successful dates are simple dates. They are casual and fun. Believe me when I say that desperation comes across as though you have a placard over your head announcing it. Never ever be desperate to date. If you are then this is the time to take a breather ironically. How many times has someone said that you meet a person when you least expect it. Its true, that's why. So successful dating is when its part of your monthly routine but not the be all and end all.

Successful dates are when you are at your most casual and most upbeat and most relaxed. Successful dates happen when you are focused but in a good mood. Put the rest of your house on order and your dates will naturally take on a new glow because you will be far more positive and organized.

To summarize:

::. Successful dating involves setting realistic match criteria

::. Successful dating involves establishing dating boundaries

::. Successful dating means being prepared and upbeat

::. Successful dating means keeping things simple and fun

::. Successful dating means dating the right people for you

::. Successful dating means being realistic about your expectations

::. Successful dating means being patient

Online Dating: Netting Romance

by Lisa Daily

Online dating is a fabulous and popular way to meet people. It's so popular in fact, that in addition to hundreds of dating websites, a new television show called eLove follows the story (on camera, of course) of two net romantics who have never met in person but feel the spark online.

eLove is one of those shows you find yourself sucked into right away. Four minutes into it and you can't wait to see how he reacts to the fact that "Blond Bombshell" is actually a five-foot brunette, or how the got-it-together female attorney handles a guy whose wardrobe comprised entirely of shredded clothing.

In one episode, a fairly conservative woman flies to meet a party animal of a guy. Before the meeting, they believe they are soul mates, destined to be together. The rub? She's made it clear she doesn't like drinkers, and he's neglected to mention his favorite pastime is closing down the bar. To add insult to margaritas, this same gentleman has taken the liberty of having her name tattooed on his, her, body. Needless to say, it didn't work out exactly as they had hoped.

But, for every net romance that crashes, there is another that seems almost too good to be true - captured for all eternity on videotape. Two people who never would have met otherwise fly someplace exotic (courtesy of eLove) and have that perfect hot air balloon and champagne first date usually reserved for drugstore romance novels.

So what's the difference between a click and a crash? Honesty.

The couples that meet after dating online are more successful when they're honest. Sure, you'll have more takers if you claim to be a 6-foot millionaire or a supermodel, but you'll end up missing out on someone who will love the real you. Exactly the way you are. So be honest. Be yourself. Post a real picture (of you.) There is someone in the world who will love you for exactly who you are.

Don't stretch the truth. If you end up meeting your e-date in person, they are definitely going to notice. Be honest and meet somebody who likes you for you. Even if you have a lint collection. Even if you collect snakes. Even if you're an NFL linebacker addicted to soap operas.

There's somebody out in the world looking for somebody just like you.

About the Author:
Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and Ricki Lake Get our FREE Dating Tips newsletter - chock-full of man-snagging techniques, at www.stopgettingdumped.com

The Psychology Of Romance

By Ruth D. Kerce

Much debate has gone on and continues today about what is romantic? We can't seem to agree, because everyone views romance differently. The differences not only exist between men and women, but each woman and each man also has their own idea about what is romantic.

For example: a woman receives one long-stemmed rose. Romantic? One woman will be thrilled, thinking it a wonderful and tender gesture. Another woman will think it's cheap, and she should have gotten a dozen of them if the man was really serious.

Another example: someone suggests to a man that he take his love out to a candlelight dinner at a fancy restaurant. Romantic? One man will think so--candles, nice clothes, good food, cozy atmosphere. Another man will view it as a stuffy evening--having to endure wearing an uncomfortable suit and tie, searching for a parking place (or hoping the valet doesn't wreak the car), and praying that his credit card goes through when the bill arrives.

How then can we plan romance when there are such differences? You have to understand the psychology of your mate and how he/she thinks. The only way to properly do that is through communication. Don't worry about taking the surprise or spontaneity out of things. It's better to know what the other person will enjoy, than planning an evening that bombs.

If you do want to surprise your partner, you can talk about what's romantic several weeks before you plan anything or even make it a regular conversation. Then when they least expect it, choose something they've told you they find romantic and spring it on them.

And when you're discussing romance, don't be too surprised at what others find romantic. One man may prefer to barbecue hamburgers and watch the sun set; another to eat a gourmet meal and watch a foreign film. One woman may prefer to stay at home and listen to romantic music on the stereo; another to go to the symphony.

Everyone thinks differently. If you remember that and put in a little effort, then planning a romantic evening becomes easy.


About the Author:
Ruth D. Kerce Writer of historical and contemporary romances,and webmaster of Addicted-to-Romance.com

10 Ways to Attract a Man

by Elsa Weidman, Match.com


Once your loser boyfriend left your life, you figured it was time to celebrate. Go out with the girls, live it up, have some “me” time.

Well, it’s been about six months, and if you have to read one more article called “I Will Survive,” you’re going to scream. If you’re ready to get out there again, you’re gonna need some ammo. Here are 10 tips to get you going:

1. Work it
You know what I mean: I’m talking about you and your fear of skin. Show a little. I don’t mean Julia Roberts in Erin Brockovich, but maybe something from her Mystic Pizza days.

2. Work out
Did I mention that Tip #1 is contingent upon the success of Tip #2? If you don’t work out, you can’t work it. Get yourself on the elliptical a few times a week, and not only will you look better in your new, revealing wardrobe, but you’ll feel better and exude confidence.

3. Shut up
Enough with the long stories already. First meetings call for shallow conversation, not your memoirs.

4. Be mysterious
This is the 21st century version of playing hard to get. Girls in the 20th century took this too far — never acting interested, never calling back ... You know who you are. These days, hold back some information. Don’t divulge the details of your brief stint as Tori Spelling’s personal assistant; just allude to it. He’ll be begging for more.

5. No scowling
My gorgeous friend Miranda is a scowler. Scowls at everyone in the place. When she asks, “Why can’t I get a guy?” our friends tell her she intimidates men. She looks like a bitch. No one will tell her, so I’m telling you.

6. Show your smarts
Acting ditzy is like so 1996. You watch CNN. Dazzle him with your knowledge of the Nasdaq, not Nickelodeon.

7. Be seen
You’ve got a VCR, so you can tape "Buffy." Just get out there and let the world know you’re available ... without looking available. Make him say, “Who’s that girl I keep seeing around? She certainly looks mysterious and smart.”

8. Network
You may think your best friend’s boyfriend is a waste of time, but don’t count him out. No, I don’t mean steal him — talk to him. Talk to all guys even if they’re taken. They have friends, co-workers and second cousins.

9. Graduate from seventh grade
Hey, you’re an adult. Don’t giggle with your friends and send one of them over to tell the guy you think he’s fine. I don’t care how many tequila shots you’ve had. You wouldn’t write his name on your book covers, would you?

10. If all else fails, girl ... make the move
Why should we always leave it up to them? If you’ve followed the first nine tips, then you just may have the confidence to approach the guy yourself. What’s the worst that could happen? Wait, don’t answer that.

Cyber Dating Safety Tips

1. Use a reputable cyber-dating site - Make sure it has a good privacy policy. If there isn't one listed at the site, go elsewhere.

2. Take your time - Get to know the person over the Internet and let the relationship develop before you meet them in person. Keep the old e-mail to compare the information they give you and watch for inconsistencies.

3. Ask a lot of questions - This will help you detect liars and cons and it will help you find out if you're compatible.

4. Ask a friend to read over the e-mail you receive - An unbiased observer can spot warning signs you missed.

5. Don't believe everything you read online - People can pretend to be whatever and whomever they like.

6. Don't give out personal information online - This is information that would allow someone to find you offline, i.e. your full name, where you work, where you live, your phone or fax number. Use an anonymous e-mail address through services like Hotmail.com or Yahoo.com. When setting up the account, be sure not to include any of your personal information.

7. Start with a phone call - Use a public phone at first. Don't give out your home number until you're comfortable.

8. Meet in a public place - If possible, take a friend with you. A double date is a safe way to start. If you don't take a friend, go someplace where there are people. Start with coffee or lunch.

9. Tell a friend - Make sure someone knows whom you are meeting, where you're going and when you're coming back. Keep all the e-mail and let your friend know where to find them if anything goes wrong.

10. Take a cellular phone.

11. Never leave public areas or go home with your date. Stay in public until you know the person better.

12. Trust your intuition - If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

13. Report any attacks or threats - Don't be embarrassed to report problems to the police. Remember, if you don't report them, the same thing could happen to someone else. Also, report any problems to the online dating service you used.

Dating Tips

Hints on how to make it hot...

Choose somewhere easy
Avoid crowded places on your first date so you can spot each other easily. Maybe wear something distinctive, although you'll probably want to avoid the carnations or silly hats.

Tell a friend
Always tell a friend where you are going, and meet somewhere public for your first date. It's also best to make your own way to and from the venue - don't get your date to pick you up. After your first meeting, if you don't feel comfortable, don't continue the relationship. Simple as that.

Don't break the bank
You don't have to flash your cash on a first date, so why not meet for a coffee or lunch? You can then decide if you'd like to spend more time and money on another date.

Go dutch
It's sometimes a good idea to agree to split the bill before your date, so you'll avoid any awkward situations when the plates have been cleared.

Be considerate
If you need to cancel a date, call the other person in good time.

Don't get disheartened
You might not meet the right person straight away - don't be disappointed. Relax, be yourself and most importantly, have fun. Every week we attract new advertisers and respondents.

Make it safe
Arrange meetings in public places, eg restaurants, pubs, etc, not in your home. Don't give your address until you are sure that you want to continue the relationship. Trust your instincts and don't meet again if you have any doubts. On your first meeting, it is best to make your own way to and from the venue. It is best not to accept an offer of transport. Leave details of your meeting with family or friends when seeing a respondent for the first time.These points may seem over-cautious, but if the person you meet is genuine, they will understand.


Source : Guardian Unlimited Soulmates

Are Online Dates Really Dating ?

by Toni Coleman, LCSW
www.consum-mate.com

Question: I am "seeing" a man I met online. We have actually met and been together only twice. However, things went well and I really like him.

After our second encounter, I approached him about our online profiles still being there and active. He made it clear that he did not like it that I continued to remain available online. So, I removed myself. But he is still there. When I brought this up, he told me that he has made friends with different individuals that he enjoys talking to, but never intends to meet. He asked me to trust him. He has also informed me since then that he does not like to be pressured. He now says he did not tell me to discontinue my profile, yet at the time made it clear he was mad I was still there.

I feel I am not being respected. I also feel I am not getting in return what I am giving. I would really like to continue seeing him. Am I being stupid?

Answer: Online dating has spawned a whole new generation of dating questions and confusion related to the proper do's and don'ts of virtual meeting and relating. Your situation is a good example of this.

Coupled with the usual concerns that come with the meeting, getting to know you and the rightness (or wrongness) of moving forward with a relationship, we now have dating that occurs primarily through emailing and the occasional face-to-face encounters that were once the only way we dated and got to know each other.

Individuals can communicate with many prospective partners at the same time without the effort and expense of planning and actually going out and spending real time together. No one knows for sure that what they are being told is for real. Nor do they have the same opportunity to experience the person's personality, appearance and way of handling themselves and the world around them. In other words, they have a very limited experience that doesn't allow them to truly get a feel for (and picture of) the other person.

The positive side of meeting people online is that it offers singles a much greater pool of people to meet and choose from than the traditional way that has become more and more difficult as the world becomes larger and more transitory. Therefore, though online dating offers many advantages, it must be approached somewhat differently. This is where your question comes in.

You have met a guy you are interested in. You got together twice and it seemed to go well. Yet, there appears to be some miscommunication or misunderstanding about what each of you wants and where you go from here. The answer will lie in how well you can move from cyber contact into more traditional dating. Have you discussed getting together again? Have you spent any face-to-face time talking about your interests, goals and plans for the future? Have your dates been a fun, active sharing time that allowed you to experience each other in person as potential significant others?

If not, this is where you need to begin. If he is unwilling to offer you more than e-mail contact and occasional get-together, he is not ready to move forward with a real relationship. This could be due to lack of readiness or lack of interest in pursuing this kind of relationship with you.

Instead of discussing the status of your online profiles, talk about your feelings of interest and desire to know him better. Ask him if this is what he wants as well. If his answer is to avoid the issue or focus on his feelings about "not being pressured" by you, than he is telling you he is not ready to move the relationship along. Pay attention to what he DOES, not what he says. If he doesn't want what you do, this will be evident fairly soon. Then reactivate your profile and begin communicating with other single men who appear to possess the qualities you are seeking. For his behavior has made it clear that he has not earned the right to ask you to limit your interest to only him.

Like in traditional dating, when there is withdrawal and silence you need to listen carefully to the non-verbal language of relating.



About the Author:

Toni Coleman LCSW is a psychotherapist and relationship coach who specializes in working with singles wanting intimate lasting relationships. She is the founder and president of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate relationship coaching. She created and leads the Creating Lasting Relationships Training. This teleworkshop is designed to provide singles with the knowledge and tools needed to achieve their goal of a healthy, lasting relationship. Toni also offers a variety of other options for coaching which can include; single sessions to deal with very specific issues, multiple sessions that are used to work through a specific problem or problems, and on-going coaching that can take place over several months to a year or more- depending on your needs.

How To Tell if You're Clicking on the First Date

by Lisa Daily

All of us have experienced it at one time or another. We come home from a first date, swimming in euphoria, sure that we've just spent the first night of the rest of our lives with our true soul mate. Mr. or Miss Destiny. The One. And then, we never hear from them again.

As we sit by the phone, waiting for that second date call (or call-back) we first begin to doubt the efficiency of the phone company. Then we start to wonder if Mr./Miss Right had to suddenly leave the country in the middle of the night, without a chance to call. Then, realization hits. You're not going to hear from them, and you wonder how you could have had such a magical experience, while they, clearly, were unimpressed.

Fortunately, there are some clues to help you figure out if your first date is really a heart-to-heart connection, or a just one-sided illusion. Next time you're on a first date, keep an eye out for these telltale signals:

Give 'em a Body Check:
When to people are really making a connection, their bodies line up (toe to toe, heart to heart, face to face) and they tend to mimic each other's gestures and voice levels. Which means if your date is soft-spoken and you're a shake-the-walls loudmouth, you'll both instinctively feel that something is a bit off-kilter.

Signs your date is going well:
Watch to see if you find your date is mirroring your gestures, a strong indicator that the date is on-track. Another positive signal is if your date is leaning towards you as you speak. Other good signs to watch for including nodding and tilting the head to the side as you are speaking, an indicator your date is interested in what you have to say.

Danger sign:
If your date is crossing his or her arms while you're speaking, it is generally a sign of resistance or anger.

Flirting or Faking?
When a date is going well, there's bound to be a lot of flirting going on from both sides of the table. Key signs your date is interested include smiling, extended eye contact and biting or licking the lip. (theirs, not yours...) Another key signal for both sexes is low-level non-sexual touching such as a brush of the elbow, arm or leg.

Signs your date is going well:
Preening or grooming behavior (such as smoothing down clothes, reapplying lipstick, running a hand over the hair) is a clear sign someone is interested. For women, the classic flirting move is the crossing or uncrossing of the legs, while men tend to stand a little broader when they're flirting and throw their shoulders back.

Danger sign:
Keep an eye out for flirting that isn't accompanied by other "I like you" behaviors -- this can indicate a purely sexual, not romantic interest.

Two-step on the Doorstep
Another key indicator of a successful (or bad, bad, bad) first date is drop-off behavior when the date is finished. Does your date see you into your front door, or drop you off at the curb and speed off into the night before you have a chance to say, "Thanks for the linguine" and find your keys? Another positive sign is the goodnight kiss that leaves you wanting more, but ends mutually on the doorstep. (A signal you're both willing to save a little something for date number two.)

Signs the date has gone well:
When your date makes a specific suggestion for another date, (such as, what are you doing next Tuesday?) rather than a generic "I'll call you" it's a positive signal that they are definitely interested in seeing you again. Other encouraging signs include lingering after the date is clearly over (you're in your doorway, goodnight kisses have been exchanged and he's still hanging around on the porch...)

Danger sign:
Possibly the worst first date doorstep signal is when one person leans in for the goodnight smooch, and the other sticks out their hand for a handshake. A less-obvious sign is a quick kiss or hug, followed by a pat on the back (which can indicate discomfort with the embrace.)

As for that mystery man or woman who appears to drop off the planet after what seemed to be a perfect first date, well, we think it's safe to assume after a few days that the poor dear was probably mowed down by a runaway tour bus, or had to leave the country due to some pressing national emergency. Don't take it personally, just move on. And remember, it only takes one first date to meet your soul mate. (Sure, it might be one in fifty-seven, or one in six, but it only takes one.


Author:
Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and Ricki Lake Get our FREE Dating Tips newsletter - chock-full of man-snagging techniques, at www.stopgettingdumped.com

Online Dating Strategy: How To Click

by Lisa Daily

Online dating has its perks. You can go man-shopping at 3 am in your jammies. You can search out someone who shares your adoration of Graham Norton, trashy tabloids or argyle socks. And, thanks to your most fabulous date-ready photo, you can do it all looking your best, 24 hours a day.

Every day I get letters from my fabulous readers asking about Internet dating. Does it really work?

Sure it does. Of course there's always a possibility of meeting the Star Trek troll who lives with his mother, or worse, other Star Trek trolls. The prison inmate. The forgot-to-mention-she's-married. But for the most part, online dating is still a great way to meet someone.



Here are a few tips to help you click online:

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Emails.

This is possibly your most important asset in successful online dating. Most people will pass by a profile with no photo - no matter how fabulous it may be. Most people search for profiles with photos only. Dating is all about chemistry, and nobody wants to end up with whoever is behind door number three. Make sure your photo is the best possible picture of you; feel free to crop to get the best shot and pump up the contrast to add a little excitement. (Try it, it adds an extra vaa-vaa-voom to your picture - you'll just pop off the page.) Avoid using pictures of you and other people, even if they're blurred out. The message you're trying to send is fun, sexy or interesting, not "witness protection program." Another good trick - wear red in your photo, or use a red background. It automatically makes you stand out from the crowd and seem more exciting. (Works at a party too...)


The Profile. Showing Your Fun Side.

Your profile is your second most important tool. The key here is to use advertising principles to create immediate interest and action. Here's what you need to create a profile that pulls:
A snappy headline, three key points (it's not a resume darling, it's small talk...) and a big finish. (Known to advertising people as a "Call To Action.")

Try to avoid sounding needy or negative. (It's always best to have a friend desperado-check your profile before you post - especially a friend of the opposite sex.) Avoid bad puns, clichés and pitiful jokes, such as "Go Ahead, Click My Day" or anything that sounds desperate like "Are You Prince Charming?" or "Searching For Soulmate." Funny is good, and frankly, nothing works better than humor to intrigue and bring those eligibles flying into your inbox.

Here are some interesting ones:

"My dog needs a mom."
"Outdoorsman seeking good catch"
"The girl below me is a stalker"

Most people will click on a profile with a funny title just to see what the person says next. And last but not least, SPELLCHECK! The technology is there, sweets, all you have to do is push the button.


Email Suave

Okay, so now you're ready to make contact. Emailing a potential date is like flirting. You want to captivate without giving everything away. Both humor and intrigue are great ways to break the ice, and send those sparks burning over the DSL. Start off your email with something like "I noticed the most interesting thing about you." Don't spill what the interesting thing was, just use it as a teaser. They won't know if it's the Haiku profile or their in-depth knowledge of macramé that snagged you, but people are fundamentally curious. It will gnaw at them until they write back and Bingo, you've got contact.

Once again, it's important to keep your emails snappy - short and charming. Go into too much depth and you'll induce your online Romeo or Juliet to snores. In-depth analysis of your feelings is what therapy is for - this, my darlings, is flirting.

Another tip: don't send a barrage of emails to one person, follow their pace and try to keep up. (If they send 4 a week, you send 4 or so every week.)


Safety First!

Finally, never, NEVER give your personal information out to a stranger, and although in traditional dating settings a man should ALWAYS pick up his date at her door, meeting someone you don't know is a different situation entirely. Always remember to be safe, meet at a public place, and take a friend if you can. Let someone know where you'll be and when you'll be home, and be sure to take your cell phone with you. Always trust your instincts, and if a little voice is telling you something's not right, pay attention and hit the door.

Have faith and be safe - Eventually you'll meet someone fantastic, and you'll just, well, click.




About the Author:

Lisa Daily is a popular media guest and the author of Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere. As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and Ricki Lake Get Lisa's FREE dating tips newsletter - chock-full of man-snagging techniques - at http://www.stopgettingdumped.com